Today has been a very boring day at work. There is nothing for any of us to do at the moment. It’s been that way since last Thursday afternoon, and looks likely to continue through the week. So at 3:30pm, when I decided I couldn’t sit at my desk anymore, I got up and went for a walk to get a bottled drink.

I had no idea my little excursion was to be most exciting thing that has happened at work in 4 days.

We have 3 vending machines on The Spine. One has Coke products, one has Pepsi, and one has junk food. I chose the Pepsi machine because it had Dole juices in it (orange and apple). I put $2 in the machine – the drinks cost $1.75 – and pressed the OJ button. The digital display blinked “sold out.” So I pressed the apple juice button. Also sold out. Finally pressed the button for Aquafina… lo and behold it tells me it’s “vending.” I hear a thump. Nothing comes out of the hole at the bottom. I press the button again. Nothing. Then the machine starts spitting out nickels.

That’s right. It didn’t have any of my drink options, so it gave me my $2 back. IN NICKELS. One quarter, one dime, and thirty-three nickels, to be precise.

I scooped up my giant handful of coins and shlepped to the other vending area downstairs and across The Spine. There was another Pepsi machine. This one had no juice but did have green tea. I feed my $1.75 in nickels into the machine and press the green tea button. The screen tells me to “enjoy my beverage.” I hear the tell-tale thud of a bottle coming down a vending machine. And nothing comes out of the hole at the bottom.

I kick the machine. I shake the machine. I am SURE I heard that bottle drop. After all this, it can’t have eaten my nickels. So I get on my knees and press on the plastic flap that opens to allow the drinks to leave the machine. I actually pull it back, squeeze my fingers under it, and roll that green tea out of the machine.

It’s ALMOST tasty enough to warrant such an elaborate journey to obtain it.

The only thing that will make this story even more amusing for me will be if EHS walks by and tells me I’m not allowed to have a drink at my desk.

That would be priceless. MasterCard-commercial priceless.

© 2008, The Table Has Shoes (and Other Ambiguities). All rights reserved.

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