I suspect most writers will be able to relate to this statement: sometimes material just PRESENTS itself to you.  You’re not looking for it, and then BAM! there it is, staring you in the face, begging you to write something, lest the material disappear forever.

Well, last night material presented itself to me in a rather… projectile… manner.

I spent all day yesterday with Alex, Nicole, Jay and some of Jay and Nicole’s friends on the Shawangunk wine trail.  We were participating in the Wreath Fineries wine trail event, which was wonderful and fabulous and people should go if they can still find tickets.  Our little group started at Palaia Vineyards, where the general consensus among us was that it’s a really cute place to spend time when the weather gets warmer.  We then went to Brotherhood Winery, which was in my top 2 out of the 8 wineries we visited, and then to Applewood Winery, which was the other member of my top 2.  Applewood was giving out this really delicious blue cheese potato au gratin dish, which was hands-down the best food we received all day (the other stuff was good, too, this was just INSANELY delicious).  We also visited Warwick Valley Winery, Baldwin Vineyards, Whitecliff Vineyards – a very cool place to go sit and drink a bottle when the weather is nice, – Benmarl Vineyards, and Stoutridge Vineyards (another cool place because they use science to make their wine!).  There were a few we didn’t make it to… but that’s not really the point of this post.

You see, I was originally planning to share our experience on the wine trail, but then I forgot my camera.  Figuring the post would be a bit dull without pictures to show what I was talking about, I axed the idea.  But like I said, sometimes material presents itself….

After we did the wine trail, we dropped off Nicole and Jay’s friends at the train station, then the four of us went to dinner at Chili’s.  Alex and I were pretty psyched about this, because it has been a long time since we’ve been to a Chili’s.  Plus, they have one of those 2 people eat for $20 deals, which meant going out would be affordable for once.  We get a table, and are sitting and talking and relaxing after a long, hard day of drinking wine.

And that’s when the material presented itself.

Alex tends to have things happen to him.  If someone is going to drop something, or spill something, or otherwise do something undesirable, it tends to be him, or someone does it TO him.  Last night was no exception.  We were at a high-top table, and it worked out that Alex had me on one side of him and Nicole on the other side.  There was a row of tables behind him.  At one table behind him, there was a young kid.  And the young kid suddenly didn’t feel so good.  His mother was trying to hustle him to the bathroom, but there just wasn’t time.  The kid threw up.  Not just a little bit, or on his own shoes, but the kind of chunky, disgusting, projectile vomit that goes everywhere.  Sorry to be gross, but I know everyone reading knows what I mean right now!

Oh, and by everywhere, I mean on the floor – and on Alex.

At first we didn’t know it was on Alex.  He had his fleece jacket on his chair, and he was wearing a sweater over his shirt, so his skin was all covered.  He didn’t FEEL it.  We were all quite busy staring at the chunks of red and pink puke all over the floor behind Nicole and Alex, so we didn’t even think to look at his back.  But then a man at a table behind us pointed to Alex and said,

“It’s ON you!”

I couldn’t see anything, so I had no idea what he was talking about.  But Nicole had a great angle and she looked and said,

“It’s all over your jacket – it’s in the sleeve and everything.  And it’s on your back.”

And so Alex did what no one wants to ever have to do when they’re eating a relaxing meal.  He turned to look at the vomit on his clothing.

It really was all over his jacket.  There was no way around it.  And he also had to remove his sweater, which really sucked because it was about 28 degrees (Fahrenheit) outside last night.  A manager came over and helped Alex put the jacket in a plastic bag, and told us that if he wanted it professionally cleaned Chili’s would certainly pay for it.  She also promised to do something for us on our bill.

Well, the bill came and guess how much getting thrown up on is worth at Chili’s?  $5.  They took $5 off – in the form of removing JAY’S BEER from the bill!!  They didn’t even take off something ALEX was consuming!  The waiter commented on this, because he wasn’t sure why it had worked out that way, and of course Alex being who he is didn’t complain about it while we were there, but I did hear about it when we were going home – how is being thrown up on only worth $5?  Granted, it’s not Chili’s FAULT that he got thrown up on.  And it’s not as if Jay and Nicole were all, HAHA we got money off, nannie nannie, sticking their tongues out.  Obviously it got passed along to Alex.  It’s just the point of it all!

Oh, and then there’s this other little tidbit: the parent of the child who threw up?  Said NOT A WORD to our table, or to Alex.  No apology, no sorry about that, no “oh that was my fault for taking my sick kid out to a restaurant.”  Nothing.  That part actually bugs me more than the $5 off part.  I know if E did that to someone when Alex and I were out, we would have been apologizing profusely to the person E threw up all over!

Does anyone else find this rude??  Perhaps the parents were embarrassed… perhaps.  Anyone reading have any ideas about this?

© 2009, The Table Has Shoes (and Other Ambiguities). All rights reserved.